What is Casual Dating? Explained

you're scrolling at midnight again. you just matched with someone cute on bumble, or maybe you've been seeing someone for a few weeks now.

and you're stuck on that question: are we dating? are we casual? what even is this?

casual dating isn't some clear-cut category where everyone agrees on the rules. it's more like this fuzzy middle ground between hookups and committed relationships, and the definition changes depending on who you ask.

but you're here because you want actual answers. not the sanitized "it's complicated" response your friends give. you want to know what casual dating really looks like, whether it's right for you, and how to do it without ending up hurt or hurting someone else.

so let's get into it. the real version.

what does "casual dating" actually mean?

casual dating is when you're going on dates or hanging out with someone (maybe even multiple people) without the expectation of commitment or a serious long-term relationship. you're dating for fun, for right now, without planning a future together or tying your life to theirs.

no labels. no "where is this going?" talks. no meeting each other's parents.

but that dry definition doesn't capture what casual dating feels like. or how messy it can get when feelings show up uninvited.

what casual dating actually looks like in real life

① probably not exclusive (unless you both decide to be)

usually casual dating means you're not automatically monogamous. both of you might be seeing other people, or at least you're open to it. there's no "we're only dating each other" conversation happening.

some casual couples do choose to be sexually exclusive for safety or comfort reasons. but it's not assumed the way it would be in a committed relationship.

the default state is: we're together when we feel like it, but neither of us is tied down.

⚠️ if one person assumes exclusivity without discussing it, someone's getting hurt. guaranteed.

(if you're curious about other non-traditional relationship structures, check out our guide on what open relationships look like and how they differ from casual dating.)

② both of you know it's not heading toward serious

this is crucial. casual dating only works when everyone understands this isn't turning into a committed relationship anytime soon.

you're enjoying each other's company right now, but you're not planning a future together.

what this means:

▸ no key swapping▸ no integrated friend groups▸ no "my family's expecting us for thanksgiving" situations▸ no "what are we?" conversations (because you both already know)

if one person secretly hopes it'll eventually get serious while the other has zero interest in that... yeah, that's a ticking time bomb.

③ you create your own boundaries (there's no universal script)

every casual setup looks different, and it's up to you two to figure out what works.

examples of boundaries people set:

▸ "we don't ask about other people we're seeing"▸ "it's fine to stay over sometimes, but no leaving toothbrushes or clothes at each other's place"▸ "spontaneous hangouts are cool, but don't expect daily good morning texts"▸ "we can do couple-y things but we're not introducing each other as boyfriend/girlfriend"

there's no universal script here. which is both freeing and kind of anxiety-inducing.

the couples who make casual work tend to have at least one awkward conversation about basics:

• are we seeing others?• how often do we want to hang out?• what emotional or physical stuff is off-limits?

having good conversation starters makes these boundary-setting talks way less awkward. even in casual situations, clear communication is everything.

④ feelings can (and do) happen

just because you label something casual doesn't mean your brain got the memo.

you might start off completely detached and then one day find yourself:

▸ replaying their voice note for the fifth time▸ feeling weirdly jealous about that coworker they mentioned▸ checking your phone constantly hoping they texted▸ planning your outfit three days before seeing them

whoops. feelings arrived.

the golden rule: be honest when this happens. if one of you starts wanting more, or can't handle the level of attachment developing, speak up.

casual arrangements only work when both people are genuinely okay with the current situation. the moment it stops being mutual, it's not really casual anymore.

the truth about casual dating: it only works when both people genuinely want the same level of involvement. the second expectations diverge, someone ends up hurt.

casual dating vs everything else (what's the difference?)

people throw around so many terms: "no strings attached," "friends with benefits," "situationships," "just hooking up." they're related but they're not the same thing.

here's what each one actually means:

★ casual dating

what it is:going on actual dates and spending time together romantically, without commitment. you might have sex or you might not, but there's some emotional connection beyond just physical stuff.

you do couple-y things (dinners, movies, texting throughout the day) with the understanding that it's temporary.

key characteristics:

▸ some emotional connection beyond physical▸ real dates and romantic activities▸ often not exclusive, though some keep it one-on-one▸ helpful for understanding what you're looking for in a relationship

★ friends with benefits (fwb)

what it is:two friends who add sex to the friendship, with no intention of dating seriously. this is more about convenience and physical fun than romance.

you're probably not going on real dates. it's more like "hang out as buddies who also hook up."

key characteristics:

▸ friends first, benefits added▸ less emotional involvement than casual dating▸ no romantic dates typically▸ buddy-like dynamic maintained

★ hooking up

what it is:one-time or very short-term sexual encounters with someone you're not in any kind of relationship with. the classic one-night stand.

minimal emotional involvement, mostly physical. often spontaneous. sometimes you don't even exchange last names.

key characteristics:

▸ minimal to zero emotional involvement▸ mostly or entirely physical▸ often spontaneous and short-term▸ no commitment at all

★ situationship

what it is:a romantic or sexual relationship that's not considered formal or established. basically, you're more than hookups and more than friends, but not actually a committed couple.

often, you're doing everything a couple does (spending tons of time together, maybe even being functionally exclusive) without ever defining it.

key characteristics:

▸ doing couple things without labels▸ high ambiguity about "what are we?"▸ can last weeks or months undefined▸ often one person wants more clarity▸ difference from casual dating = time + ambiguity

the key distinction: casual dating has clear boundaries discussed upfront. situationships are undefined and murky, which is why they're usually more stressful.

★ committed relationship

what it is:the opposite of all of this. you've agreed to be exclusive, you use labels, you integrate your lives, you plan futures together.

key characteristics:

▸ explicit exclusivity▸ labels and definitions▸ life integration▸ future planning together

understanding these distinctions helps you know what you actually want. and more importantly, helps you communicate what you're okay with.

for more relationship insights, check out our blog where we explore different relationship dynamics and connection strategies.

how common is casual dating in 2025?

you might wonder if this is just you, or if everyone's doing the casual thing these days.

turns out: pretty common.

the numbers:

50% of americans aged 18-34 have been in a situationship (basically a casual, undefined romantic thing)

even across all ages, about 39% of adults have experienced this.

so if you're in your 20s and find yourself in a "we're hanging out but not official" scenario, you're literally one in two people. it's not weird. it's actually the norm.

among millennials:

▸ 39% say they're open to casual dating▸ yet 64% ultimately want a committed relationship

which tells you something important: a lot of people who do want serious relationships eventually are still perfectly fine keeping it casual for now.

casual dating can be a phase. a way to meet people without pressure. it doesn't mean you never want commitment.

gen z and casual dating: what's actually happening

despite the perception that gen z is all about no-strings encounters, they're actually showing some traditional streaks:

69% of gen z say they're "not ready for a relationship right now," yet many do want one eventually

29% of gen z says sex should only happen in a committed relationship. they're actually the most sexually conservative generation in decades on some measures.

so while casual dating definitely happens in gen z, there's also this significant chunk who either take breaks from dating entirely or set higher bars before getting intimate.

dating apps and the burnout epidemic

dating apps have made casual super accessible. tinder especially is often thought of as a casual dating app (even though it does sometimes lead to serious relationships).

but here's the problem: that abundance of choice is burning people out.

53% of singles report serious dating app burnout, and many are quitting apps because it's "too exhausting."

casual dating is mainstream now. far less stigmatized than a generation ago. but there's also fatigue setting in from how impersonal it all feels.

and not everyone's doing it. 63% of single americans weren't even looking for a relationship or dates (casual or serious).

so if you sometimes feel like you're the only one not casually dating every weekend, you're not alone. the dating scene is incredibly diverse.

why people actually choose casual dating

if committed relationships offer love, stability, and someone to watch netflix with every night, why would anyone choose the murkier waters of casual?

turns out there are some really valid reasons:

① not ready to commit (or can't right now)

maybe you just started an intense job. maybe you're in grad school. maybe you're moving cities in six months. or honestly, you're just young and not looking to be tied down.

why dive into the emotional unknowns of serious love if you can have fun and keep your guard up?

as one college student put it: "if you can get most of the benefits of a relationship while keeping that safeguard up, many people are fine with that."

② freedom and independence matter

some people really value their independence, and relationships (with all their required compromises) can feel limiting.

casual arrangements are more on-demand: you see the person when you want to, but there's no expectation that your lives merge.

what this freedom looks like:

▸ prioritize your hobbies without consulting anyone▸ take that solo trip to iceland▸ say yes to last-minute plans with friends▸ focus on your career without feeling guilty▸ keep your weekends open for whatever you want

you can do all this without having to coordinate with or get "permission" from a partner.

③ figuring out what you want

casual dating can be a way to meet different types of people and learn what you actually want in a partner, without "could this be The One?" pressure hanging over every dinner.

especially in your early 20s, you might not fully know what qualities mesh well with you.

dating casually is like low-stakes trial and error in romance. by the time you're ready for something serious, you have a clearer picture of what to look for in a relationship.

④ physical intimacy without strings

let's not dance around it: for many people, casual dating is a way to enjoy sex and physical closeness without being in a committed relationship.

humans have needs. not everyone wants to stay celibate just because they haven't found a life partner yet.

⑤ recovering from heartbreak (or avoiding it)

someone who's been badly hurt might not want to jump into the deep end again. casual dating can feel emotionally "safer."

if you keep it light, you theoretically lower the risk of severe heartbreak. it's like keeping one foot out the door so you can bolt if things get intense.

(though ironically, people sometimes catch feelings in casual situations and end up hurt anyway. emotions are messy like that.)

⑥ busy lives, limited time

some people genuinely don't have bandwidth for a serious relationship. they travel for work, juggle multiple jobs, have family obligations.

casual dating is flexible. there's no expectation to see each other constantly or integrate schedules deeply.

you meet up when it's convenient. if weeks go by because you're slammed, that's usually fine.

even when time is limited, knowing how to spend quality time with your partner (even casually) makes those moments count.

⑦ fear of missing out

this one's less flattering but very real. some keep it casual because they want to "keep their options open."

they like the person they're seeing, but what if someone better comes along?

in the age of infinite swiping, committing to one person can trigger serious fomo.

the downside: sometimes people chase the next best thing and let great matches slip away. if you're constantly wondering whether to move fast or slow in relationships, that's worth examining.

the common thread: casual dating offers connection without heavy commitment. it works when both people genuinely want that approach.

but it only works well when expectations align. if one person secretly hopes it'll turn serious, or is reluctantly going along because they don't want to lose the other person... that's a problem waiting to explode.

how to do casual dating right (5 rules that prevent drama)

casual dating is supposed to be low-pressure and enjoyable. it's meant to add fun to your life, not stress.

but without some care, it can turn into an emotional mess. here's how to do it right:

① be upfront from the start

this cannot be overstated: say what you're looking for early on. ideally within the first couple dates.

if you're only looking for something casual, say it:

"hey, just so we're on the same page, i'm having fun getting to know you, but i'm not in a place for anything serious right now."

this gives them a chance to opt in or out.

being upfront also means clarifying:

▸ are we dating other people?▸ what are our boundaries around sexual health?▸ how often do we expect to see each other?▸ what happens if one of us catches feelings?

even in casual setups, discussing boundaries around other partners and sexual health is responsible and fair.

② respect each other's time and feelings

"casual" doesn't mean "treat someone like dirt."

basic respect still applies:

▸ keep plans when you make them (or cancel well in advance)▸ be kind▸ if you said you're not looking for anything serious, don't act like a jealous/controlling partner▸ don't string someone along if you're losing interest

and if you're no longer interested, say so.

ghosting is common in casual situations since there's no official relationship to "break up" from. but it seriously sucks to be on the receiving end.

a quick, polite text to end things is harder to send than disappearing. but it's the right thing to do:

"hey, i've really enjoyed getting to know you, but i don't think this is working for me anymore. i wish you all the best."

③ prioritize safety (yes, sexual health)

if casual dating involves sex (and often it does), protect yourself and your partners.

what this means:

▸ use condoms▸ get regular sti screenings if you have multiple partners▸ be frank about it: "hey, since we're keeping things casual, i just want to say i got tested last month and i'm clear. how about you?"

responsible partners will appreciate the maturity. if someone reacts poorly to being asked about protection, consider that a red flag.

④ check in when things change

maybe you started casual and now you're catching feelings. or maybe they seem more attached than you expected.

don't just hope it magically resolves itself. have a check-in.

"hey, i've really enjoyed how low-key this is. how are you feeling about things?"

if you're developing deeper feelings and want more, speak up sooner rather than later.

it might end the casual arrangement if they don't feel the same, but that's better than quietly pining while pretending you're fine with casual.

establishing clear expectations early improves relationship satisfaction and reduces conflict. that applies to casual setups too.

⑤ know when to walk away

not every casual thing runs its course gracefully. sometimes one person catches feelings that aren't returned. sometimes you start feeling unfulfilled.

the beauty of casual dating is you're not locked in. you can end it relatively easily.

if it's not fun anymore, or it's stressing you out, or you've met someone else you vibe with more seriously, call it off kindly.

"i've really enjoyed spending time with you, but i think this has run its course for me."

the goal of casual dating is enjoyment without heavy obligations. the moment it stops being mutually enjoyable, the whole point is gone.

is casual dating right for you? (honest self-assessment)

by now you should have a clearer picture of what casual dating actually entails. the real question: is it your thing?

that depends on your personality, emotional needs, and life situation right now.

✓ casual dating might work great for you if:

you're in a phase where freedom is a priorityyou're working on yourself, focused on other goals, and you want to date casually in the meantime

you're secure and communicativeyou can set boundaries, express needs, and handle the ambiguity without spiraling

you can enjoy intimacy without needing constant reassuranceyou don't need to know where things are going to feel okay

you genuinely want thisnot just settling because you're scared of commitment or avoiding being alone

you're good at compartmentalizingyou can enjoy someone's company without immediately imagining your future together

→ some people genuinely enjoy the excitement and novelty of keeping things light. it can be empowering and fun when done with mutual respect.

✗ casual dating probably isn't for you if:

you get attached easilya couple nice dates and you're already planning what your kids will look like

you hate ambiguitynot knowing where you stand makes you anxious

you get anxious when someone doesn't text back for half a dayyou need constant reassurance and communication

you develop feelings quicklyyou can't really do the "keeping it light" thing emotionally

what you really want is a committed relationship right nownot eventually. now.

→ forcing yourself into casual dating when you actually want commitment will likely feel hollow. you don't have to do casual just because "everyone else is."

check in with yourself honestly

why am i interested in casual dating?

✗ bad reasons:

▸ "because i don't want to be lonely but can't handle another breakup" (that's fear talking)▸ "because i'm hoping they'll eventually commit" (you're lying to yourself)▸ "because i don't think i'm good enough for a real relationship" (that's insecurity)▸ "because i can't get anyone to commit to me" (that's settling)

✓ good reasons:

▸ "because i genuinely don't want the responsibility of a relationship right now"▸ "because i want to date different people and figure out what i want"▸ "because i value my independence and this works for my lifestyle"▸ "because i'm focused on other priorities and this is what fits"

understanding what you truly need from a relationship helps you make better choices about casual vs. committed dating.

the double-edged sword

casual dating can sometimes turn into not-so-casual, despite best intentions. emotions aren't programmable. there's always a risk one or both of you will start wanting more.

the question becomes: are you open to that possibility, or absolutely against it?

if you're staunchly against anything serious (maybe you're moving abroad in three months), then at the first hint of someone getting too attached, you might need to bail to spare them.

if you're open to something more if it naturally develops, keep communication lines open and see what happens.

bust a myth: casual isn't "bad"

as long as you're honest and kind, you're not doing something wrong by not wanting a serious relationship right now.

conversely, preferring serious relationships doesn't make you "less cool." different approaches work for different people and different life stages.

the key is everyone involved is on the same page and treated with respect.

and if you eventually find someone who makes you think, "maybe i do want something more," don't be afraid of changing your plan. it happens all the time: a casual fling turns into a great love story.

(if you're in that boat, check out our guide on how to go from dating to relationship. it'll walk you through having "the talk" and making that transition.)

the reality nobody talks about: when casual gets complicated

let's be real about the messy parts nobody warns you about:

the feelings problem

you agreed to keep it casual. you meant it. but then:

▸ they said something incredibly sweet▸ they remembered that random story you told them weeks ago▸ they showed up when you were having a terrible day▸ they laughed at your dumb joke and you felt seen

and now you're catching feelings you didn't sign up for.

what do you do?

be honest. as scary as it is. tell them what's happening. maybe they feel the same. maybe they don't. but pretending you're still cool with casual when you're secretly hoping for more is torturous.

the jealousy problem

you said you were fine with them seeing other people. you meant it. but then you saw them on someone's instagram story and your stomach dropped.

welcome to the cognitive dissonance of casual dating.

the truth: even when you intellectually agree to non-exclusivity, your emotions might not cooperate.

if jealousy becomes a pattern, that's information. maybe you're not as okay with casual as you thought. maybe you need to either make it exclusive or end it.

the communication problem

casual dating requires more communication than people expect, not less.

you need to discuss:

▸ boundaries▸ expectations▸ sexual health▸ what happens if feelings change▸ how often you're seeing each other▸ what emotional intimacy is okay

ironically, keeping things "light and casual" requires having some pretty serious conversations.

the timing problem

one of you catches feelings first. or one of you wants to transition to serious while the other doesn't.

there's rarely a clean ending. someone almost always ends up wanting more or less than the other person can give.

what to do when casual dating isn't working anymore

here are the signs it's time to either change the arrangement or end it:

→ you're constantly anxious about where you stand

→ you're spending more energy managing your emotions than enjoying the connection

→ you're hoping they'll change their mind about wanting something serious

→ seeing them with other people makes you miserable

→ you feel used or unappreciated

→ you're compromising what you actually want just to keep them around

casual dating should feel fun and relatively easy. if it's consistently stressing you out, it's not serving its purpose.

when casual turns into something more

sometimes a casual arrangement naturally evolves into something serious. it happens.

signs it might be transitioning:

▸ you're spending way more time together than you planned▸ you're both starting to talk about future plans that include each other▸ you've met each other's friends (maybe even family)▸ you're checking in with each other daily▸ you're not interested in seeing other people anymore▸ the "casual" label is starting to feel inaccurate

if this is happening and you're both into it, have the conversation.

don't let it stay undefined just because you're scared of "ruining it." if it's already more than casual in practice, making it official just acknowledges reality.

and when you do find that person who makes you want to go all in? maintaining connection becomes key.

how to stay connected when it becomes more than casual

here's what nobody tells you: transitioning from casual to committed is the easy part. staying connected when life gets busy is the hard part.

suddenly you're not just having fun weekend hangouts. you're navigating:

▸ work stress▸ family obligations▸ conflicting schedules▸ the daily grind where "connection" becomes "did you remember to buy toilet paper"

this is where daily rituals matter.

apps like candle are built exactly for this: helping couples feel closer every day through small, fun shared moments.

how it works:

you each get a daily prompt that takes about 5 minutes. could be:

▸ a question ("what's something you're grateful for today?")▸ a mini-game ("who's more likely to...")▸ a photo challenge (bereal-style, so you're building a visual journal together)▸ a debate topic▸ a drawing prompt

you answer whenever works for you. see your partner's response. keep your streak going.

features that actually help:

→ thumb kiss: synchronized taps that trigger gentle vibrations on each phone. sounds simple, but when you're miles apart or just in different rooms, that little buzz saying "i'm thinking of you right now" hits different.

→ canvas widget: keeps your partner on your home screen. you can doodle notes or messages to each other that stay visible all day.

→ countdown widget: for upcoming visits or dates. especially crucial for long-distance couples.

→ streak system: like duolingo but for your relationship. keeps you both showing up daily. (plus streak restore if you miss a day, because life happens.)

→ date ideas feed: swipe-to-match on about 60 local options that refresh weekly. so when you finally have time together, you don't waste it deciding what to do.

does candle solve deep relationship problems? no.

does it mean you're actually connecting daily instead of going weeks where you only talk about logistics? yes.

for long-distance relationships especially, research shows that quality of connection matters far more than quantity. the couples that thrive build rituals and fun ways to connect beyond basic check-ins.

even in committed relationships, rekindling that spark and maintaining emotional momentum matters. candle helps you do exactly that, one small daily moment at a time.

the bottom line: what you actually need to know

casual dating can be a fun, rewarding part of your life. a way to learn about yourself, meet interesting people, and enjoy romance on your own terms.

or it can be a heartache factory if you go in with mismatched expectations or treat people poorly.

the outcome depends on how thoughtfully you navigate it.

the essentials:

✓ be honest → about what you want, what you're feeling, when things change

✓ be kind → casual doesn't mean careless. treat people with respect.

✓ be safe → protect yourself and your partners. have the awkward conversations.

✓ be self-aware → know what you actually want. don't lie to yourself.

✓ be ready to walk away → when it stops working, end it cleanly.

if you approach casual dating with respect (for yourself and others), it just might add exactly what you're looking for to your life.

and if one casual connection turns into something more and you're both excited about that? ride that wave.

whether you stay casual or get serious, the most important thing is your relationships (of any kind) add value to your life instead of stress.

casual or committed, remember: relationships are supposed to make your life better.

happy dating, whatever style you choose.